Conflicted
by bellacatbee
Summary: Michael is still idealistic enough to think he can reach Adam. Adam thinks religious education sucks but his teacher is hot. Michael is conflicted. Adam/Michael AU.


There isn't a point trying to reach him, the other teachers tell him but maybe Michael is still idealistic because he doesn't see the explosive time bomb they all see but a troubled young man whose mother has died and who is adrift in the world without her. When he finds Adam hanging around in the library, three hours passed home time and when it's only the teachers left and the school janitor tidying everything away, (Gabriel says he likes the odd hours. Michael doesn't understand it. He secretly thinks Gabriel drinks in the supply closet but he's never checked. He doesn't want to get Gabriel fired from another job) he worries about the boy. Adam doesn't seem to want to go home.

Michael knows Adam's brothers – Dean teaches auto and shop and Sam is an aid for disruptive kids and they have a nice enough house, not too big but not too small and Michael's been there once for a faculty BBQ. Maybe that's the problem. Adam's been labelled a disruptive kid and the only person he could go to, who would normally listen to him is his own brother. It can be hard not having that separation between school life and home life and Michael understands that all too well. (He avoids Castiel in the library and Gabriel practically everywhere.) When he suggests to Dean that he offer Adam some after school tutoring, one-on-one, with an eye towards giving Adam someone to confide in Dean is wary but Sam thinks it's a great idea.

So Adam stays behind at the end of the lesson and they talk about world religions and Michael tries hard not to feel affronted when Adam rolls his eyes and decides that someone's deeply held beliefs are stupid. Michael drives him home and they repeat the process every day for a month. Adam doesn't seem to be getting any better but he's not getting any worse either. His grades are steady and while he doesn't open up to Michael about anything at home he seems calmer. Dean worries that he still hasn't made a friend and Sam says it's normal and they need to give him more time. Michael wants to be his friend but that is an inappropriate relaxation of boundaries with a student so he doesn't voice that thought.

In their fifth week of after school classes Adam kisses him. It comes out of nowhere. Michael is showing him pictures of prayer rugs, pointing them out, ready to hand the book across to Adam so he can look through it for himself when the boy tilts his head up suddenly. It takes Michael a second to realise how close they are before Adam's lips are against his. They kiss for a minute, silent and soft and Michael can't deny that he is kissing back but then he pulls away and tells Adam to call Dean for a lift home. His hands tremble and he shuts the book. He can't be alone with Adam right now. He finds Gabriel out in the hallway and for the twenty minutes it takes Dean to drive across town to come and get him Gabriel entertains them with card tricks. (Michael suspects he runs a poker game with the history teacher Crowley and the drama teacher Balthazar but Gabriel's too smart to tell him if he does.)

Michael calls off the one-on-one sessions after that till Sam corners him in the staff room one wet afternoon and begs him to take Adam back on. Michael can't tell anyone why they had to stop so suddenly and apparently Adam hasn't told either. Sam thinks Michael is frustrated that Adam doesn't show any signs of progress but to Sam all the signs were there. He was happier at home, more animated and the other day he'd spent the whole time they'd washed up together telling Sam about the importance of pilgrimages in different religions. Michael didn't think he'd made any impact there but apparently Adam is like a sponge, soaking it all up and storing the information for later. Now Adam is withdrawn again and he sulks in his room after dinner rather than staying around to help out. Dean thinks he should go out for sports but Sam knows Adam would hate it and Michael was a good thing in his life. Michael can't argue with that. He agrees and Adam is back in his classroom two days later, nervous and shuffling his books around agitatedly as Michael tells him they won't talk about the kiss and that he'll never bring it up again after this one time. He understands Adam feels lonely but there are boys his own age. Adam can't bring himself to look at him the whole time and Michael feels like a fraud.

For about another month things go smoothly. He's invited to another Winchester family BBQ and gets to see Adam laugh for the first time. His smile is infectious and Michael spends the whole time watching him. He seems to have blossomed here, safe within his family, and Michael suspects that Adam might not really need him anymore. He seems to have taken that advice about finding a boy his own age to heart. He has friends now. Michael would be pleased if he wasn't so jealous. Things are going so well that when Adam corners him as the evening wears on and everyone else is outside half-drunk out of their minds on cheap beer, Dean having appeared to invite half the faculty and teachers love to drink, Michael doesn't think there's any harm in going upstairs with him like Adam suggests.

For some strange reason he runs back in his mind later he thought Adam would want to show him something – a project for school, his bedroom that he's finally decorated in his own things since Dean relented although he still doesn't like those Emo bands Adam listens to and doesn't want their posters on the wall , something like that. He doesn't expect the thing that Adam wants to show him is Adam himself. The boy strips off down to his underwear and Michael should leave but he just stays there, wanting.

"You can have me." Adam says, looking at him sweetly through lowered eyelashes and sounding too young to be saying those words. "They won't hear us. They're drunk." Michael can't help thinking how teenage this all is, sex upstairs at a party while downstairs everyone else is out of their heads but he still doesn't move or say anything. Adam speaks again. "You kissed me, that time, as much as I kissed you. I know you want me. You look at me sometimes and you touch my arm and I know you want more. You can have more."

It would be so easy to have more, to just take all of Adam and consume him because he's a stupid teenage boy and he doesn't know what he's asking. He's developed some impulsive crush on his teacher and he can't let go. Michael does just want to hold him and kiss him, push Adam down on the bed and make love to him till Adam is sated and sleepy and smiling at him with that dazzling smile but he can't. He runs down the stairs and out of the house. He drives around for an hour, not knowing what to do till he picks up his phone and there are four missed messages. One from Castiel who's worried he's sick. Two from Gabriel because Michael was his ride home and he's not happy and one from Dean who thanks him for coming and says nothing else which at least leaves Michael thinking he'll have a job on Monday.

On Monday he also has a lapful of Adam. They appear to have stopped playing games. Adam is pursing him now and Michael is just going crazy. "Yes, I want you." He says finally, grabbing Adam's wrists to hold the boy still and anyone could look in through the classroom windows and see them like this. "You figured me out, I want you, Adam but I can't…my job…" It seems easy to Adam, they'll just sneak around behind everyone's backs but Michael can't do that. He's honest and all of this is already eating him up. "Wait until you've graduated." He pleads with the boy. "If you still want this I'll give it to you but wait until then."

It seems forever until graduation. Adam settles, he has a group of friends and his grades show a promise that would have been unthinkable at the beginning of the year. Sam surprises Michael with a bottle of wine, thanking him for all the effort and Michael wishes the ground would swallow him up. The school year winds up, Adam's results come back and he's done well enough to get himself accepted to a first rate college. Dean grumbles about how long he'll have to work to pay Adam's way but Michael knows he's secretly delighted. Adam wants to be a doctor. He'll have to work hard but Michael is confident in him.

Prom night rolls around and Michael gets a text message from a number he doesn't recognise. He follows the texts instructions all the same, drives up to the school gates and Adam gets in to his car – tuxedo, very nice with his hair brushed and he looks almost angelic in the glow of the streetlights. "Not quite graduation but I'm not your student after tonight." He says, his smile decidedly wicked. They drive out of town, to a disused old road and park up. Again it's so teenage but Adam is a teenager and he's so hungry for Michael. "I thought you'd forgotten about me." Michael says and Adam shakes his head, looking up from busily unbuttoning Michael's shirt to meet his eyes. "I could never forget about you."

They make love in the back seat of Michael's car. Adam shakes all over at first and Michael's frightened he's hurt him but then Adam gives him that dazzling smile and everything settles. They lay there, Michael's coat draped over them and talk about the future. "I want to go to college somewhere close. So I can come home on the weekends and see Dean and Sam, and you." Adam says. He thinks he might even stay home because Dean won't stop bitching about how much dorm rent costs but Michael knows he needs to get out there and stand on his own two feet for a bit. Eventually when the sun comes up they get dressed and start the long, slow drive back into town and to the future.

It won't be easy explaining this to Sam or to Dean. Castiel will probably go into shock, Michael thinks and he suspects Gabriel already knows because he's sneaky like that and Adam had to have got his phone number from someone. They'll cross all those bridges when they come to them however. Michael will probably end up with a broken jaw but for Adam it will be worth it. "When we've been together about ten years Dean will come around." Adam tells him on the doorstep as they wait to be let in. Michael puts his arm around the young man's shoulders and pulls him close. The kiss they share before the door opens tastes like heaven and for Michael feels like coming home.


End file.
